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What Submission Isn't

The S-Word

Say submission and my involuntary response is a giggle — or at least a smirk. Odd, I know. But it's because I always get flashbacks of my college friends Domenic and Stephanie doing an improv comedy bit about an old-fashioned hellfire and brimstone preacher going off on the topic: "Submit! Submit! Submit! Read your Biiiiiiiiiible!"

Maybe you had to be there.

I recognize that for most young adults, even Christians, submission is anything but funny. The mere word gives us bad mental pictures of high-collared puritans, doormat housewives, and legalistic clergymen (a la my friends' skit) for whom Christianity is much more about rules than about grace. When we think of submission, we think of weakness, low self-esteem, and the abuse of authority.

Submission. Blech. It's an outdated, abusive tool used by barbaric power-mongers who want to keep the "underlings" down. Me, submit? Never!

Ever caught yourself thinking this way? Unfortunately, that's a pretty bad description of submission. Yes, submission happens when we — willingly or unwillingly — surrender our will to that of someone else. But somehow, a bunch of other garbage (see my apoplectic fit above) also got wrapped up in our idea of what submission is.

And even though it's an important issue for all Christians, the baggage that surrounds submission is especially bad for us as women. It does all kinds of mischief in our lives, from putting us at odds with our church's teaching to making us terrified of (or just resistant toward) marriage. Maybe we can get a better idea about what biblical submission is and how we should respond to it by first thinking about what it's not.

Submission is Not a Scapegoat

I hate that people in our culture like to use the unpopularity of submission as an excuse for bucking authority in general. The argument goes like this: "Submission makes some people feel worthless and allows other people to abuse power. Therefore, submission is morally wrong. Therefore, I don't have to submit to authority if I don't want to."

Yes, there are people in leadership who impose rules on others for the sheer power trip it gives them. That is certainly an abuse of someone's submissiveness. And it's wrong. But it doesn't give me the right to throw off any restriction I happen to consider ridiculous or uncomfortable (like my Christian college's policy against social dancing, which I often bristled against).

My responsibility to submit and my leaders' responsibility to use their authority properly are two different things, and someone else's failure at the latter does not negate my responsibility in the former.¹ Besides, if we take a real look at what submission is (and what it ought to be, according to God's Word), rather than setting up a straw man that can be easily blown away, we will find that we have both a necessity and an obligation to learn submission.

With that said, one of the ironic things that becomes apparent when we take an honest look at submission is this:

Submission is Not (Usually) Forced on Us

For all our anti-submission rhetoric, we present-day Westerners don't have to do very much submitting. Yes, we're required to obey the law of the land. But since most rational people wouldn't call anarchy a workable option, we're not going to spend much time discussing that type of submission. It's kind of a given. Beyond that, we are rarely — if ever — forced to submit to anyone or anything.

The first reaction we ought to have to that fact is thankfulness. In talking up submission, I don't want to give the impression that it's wrong to have desires, make choices, and exert our wills. Those things are part of how God made us. And, given the unparalleled wealth, freedom and opportunity most of us Westerners live in, our attitudes should be grounded in profound gratitude for "the free exercise thereof." When we start with the realization that free will is a gift, not a right, it becomes easier for us to lay down that privilege for the sake of others.

Our second reaction should be to consider this: if we're not being forced to submit, why is submission still such an issue? Couldn't we just avoid it altogether? I don't think so. In fact, I think that submission is part of being in community with others. We can only avoid it at the cost of doing great damage to our relationships with others.

Here's a really simple illustration: in any relationship that lasts long enough, there will eventually be conflict. You know — the little tensions and frustrations that build up when you get to know your roommate or your new boyfriend well enough to find out that he or she isn't perfect. Once we get to that point, we have three choices:

• Avoid the conflict altogether.
• Get our own way at any cost.
• Come to a solution or compromise.

The first two options may allow us to escape submission, but the third is clearly the best way to grow in our relationships. And it almost always requires submission on some level.

Giving in to what someone else thinks is fun or desirable or best is not easy. And it definitely runs contrary to our selfish nature. But it is a lot easier to do when we understand that …

Submission is Not a Statement of Personal Worth

One big reason our culture despises submission is that we have mistakenly assumed that submission equals an admission of inferiority. This is why many people think that Christians who believe wives should submit to their husbands also believe that women are inferior to men. Not so! Yes, in Ephesians, Paul commands wives to submit to their husbands, and those who take the Bible seriously shouldn't blow that off. But his command follows on the heels of another command — one that instructs all believers to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21, NIV).

This verse can only make sense if the command for wives to submit to their husbands has nothing to do with their comparative worth. Otherwise, the tables could never be turned, yet the New Testament flips things upside down regularly, including within this passage.

God's commands regarding submission — wives to their husbands, citizens to their leaders, children to their parents — have many layers. They're symbolic,² they promote social order, and they reveal the character of God. But they do not have anything at all to do with human value. Somehow, getting this straight in our minds actually makes submission easier to do.

I said easier. Not easy. That's right …

Submission is Not Easy

When it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter how many good arguments we have in support of submission — it may be right, but it still rubs us the wrong way. From the beginning of human history, the human will (and specifically selfish human desire) has been a driving force. Halting that force and making it yield to someone else's will is comparable to harnessing a wild horse and making it pull a load. It's not an easy task, and we shouldn't treat it like one.

This, incidentally, is why it bugs me when preachers and Bible teachers try to soften passages about submission and make it seem like it's not that big a deal. Have you ever heard a male pastor tell the husbands in his congregation, "If you really love your wives, it will be easy for them to submit to you"? I appreciate the thought — and the admonishment for men to take excellent care of their wives — but submission isn't really about the person you submit to. It's about your own heart.

Your coach may be the kindest, most gracious person in the world, but if you haven't dealt with the submission issue, it's still going to be hard for you to accept his instruction. And submission is even more crucial when the opposite is true: if your resident director really is a power-hungry policy-Nazi, you definitely have some internal wrestling to do before you can graciously follow her rules — respecting her position, even if you don't respect her as a person.

And this is why I think submission comes really close to the essence of spiritual growth.

Submission is Not Optional

Growing in faith requires that we rule over our own lives less and less and allow God to rule over them more and more. If that's not submission, I don't know what is. So I propose that if you're not learning submission, you're probably not growing spiritually.

And in case any more evidence is necessary, we only have to look at the "author and perfecter of our faith" — Jesus Himself (Hebrews 12:2).

The ultimate showcase of submission is, of course, the Garden of Gethsemane.³ Jesus and His Father are, in essence, One. Yet, the mystery of the trinity enables them to have two separate wills. And this time, those wills differ. The Father wants to make the sacrifice of atonement for sinful humanity. Jesus doesn't want to die and be separated from His Father. In the definitive act of submission, the Son lays down His life in accordance with His Father's will. He submits, and because of this, humanity has hope.

If our life's quest as Christians is to become more like our Rabbi, Jesus, then learning submission has to be part of the picture. No questions asked.

They'll Know We Are Christians By Our What?

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Lindy says that submission is not optional when living a Christian life. What do you think?

Join the discussion!

We've often been told that people will know us as followers of Christ when they witness and experience our selfless love. But in a time when humble, honest submission is so rare, I think people will also notice something radically different about us when we demonstrate this dying virtue. Not because we're wallflowers. Not because we're weak, sniveling, or cowardly. Godly submission can flow from us only when we know who we are in Christ and therefore have nothing to prove to others. Then we can give up stubbornly clinging to our own desires and grow in the grace that Christ demonstrated.

Our submission probably won't save the world, like His did. But it might transform our piece of the world.