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Just Wanting to Be Known

Dear God,

What would people think of me if they really knew me? If they could come home with me, see me without the makeup and smiles, straight into the depths of my being, would they understand who I am? If they read the terrible thoughts that cross my mind, if they knew how insecure I feel at times, if they knew of my weaknesses, my fear and loneliness, would they even care? If people knew of the selfishness, jealousy, and greed in my heart, would they accept me anyway? Would they laugh at me if I told them I dream of marrying young, traveling the world, learning new languages and influencing this world? If I shared my goals — to attend graduate school, to work in the mission field, to raise children — would anyone believe I could achieve them? If I were to fall — hard, flat on my face — would there be anyone there to hold me, regardless of the shame and embarrassment? Oh God, is there anyone in this world — family, friend or man — willing to take the risk for me? Willing to love and be loved? I just want to be known. Does anyone see the real me?

Have you ever asked God those questions before? Or, at the very least, felt them, deep down in your heart? I know I have — more than once.

Masquerade

After spending some time in the Bible one morning, I asked God to speak to my heart. I felt He was trying to tell me something. He brought to my mind "Masquerade," a song from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera. My brother bought me the movie for Christmas this past year.

Lloyd Webber's opera is a fine classic, and the movie is a great depiction of the story (especially since watching the movie at home is a lot cheaper than watching it live). At one point in the story, the theater managers throw a masquerade and soon everyone is dancing and singing. A part of the song goes:

Masquerade! Paper faces on parade, masquerade! Hide your face, so the world will never find you. Masquerade! Burning glances, turning heads, Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you. Masquerade! Seething shadows, breathing lies. Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you.

In today's society, we're experts at hiding our pain. Satan decided to throw one large masquerade when he deceived Eve, and the rest of humanity has faithfully followed along, putting on their masks accordingly.

We commonly greet one another by asking, "How are you?" The response is almost always something along the lines of "Great! Thanks!" Inside though, it's a whole different story.

We all have a deep longing to be known. Not just known, but loved for who we are, in spite of our weaknesses. We know God loves us unconditionally, and we're grateful; yet there still remains a deep desire to be seen as we are, and more importantly, to be accepted as we are, not just from the opposite sex, but from our family, close friends and leaders.

It's been my experience that in spite of these longings, I have often prevented my friends and family from seeing the real me. Fear of rejection or ridicule definitely hinders me at times, but when I remove the mask and see myself in light of God's perspective, I am able to be the person God created.

A Mess of My Existence

I was inspired to write this article in part by another song I heard recently. Natalie Grant describes feelings in "The Real Me" that I believe most — if not all — of us experience at some point in our lives:

Foolish heart, looks like we're here again; same old game of plastic smile: Don't let anybody in. Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break? How much will they take before I'm empty? Do I let it show? Does anybody know? Painted, life is behind a mask; self-inflicted circus clown, I'm tired of the song and dance. Living a charade, always on parade, what a mess I've made of my existence.

I really think this song reflects the pain in our hearts when we join the devil's grand masquerade. We ask ourselves, Should I be honest? Should I place myself in a vulnerable position? What if I get hurt? The truth is we're afraid. Being sincere, honest, open and vulnerable is scary, and it's certainly not an easy task. We search for different masks — beauty, intelligence, athletic ability — hoping each time to find the solution in them, but the masquerade never fails to fail us.

"Living a charade" is indeed extremely tiring. After a while, the superficiality becomes overwhelming and we feel that we've made a mess of our existence. I know I have often felt like David when he cried out:

I am benumbed and badly crushed; I groan because of the agitation of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before You; And my sighing is not hidden from You. My heart throbs, my strength fails me; And the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me (Psalm 38:8-10, NASB).

It's at the point when we feel that we can no longer keep up with the masquerade that God steps in to the picture — if we allow Him.

The Real Me

How does God see us? Well, that's exactly it: He sees us, not the masks. Natalie Grant doesn't conclude her song on the mess of our existence. She also says:

But you see the real me, hiding in my skin, broken from within. Unveil me completely. I'm loosening my grasp, there's no need to mask my frailty, because you see the real me. You love me even now and still I see somehow. Wonderful, beautiful, is what you see when you look at me. You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into a perfect tapestry. I just want to be me and you love me just as I am.

If we are ever going to allow others to see us as we are, we first have to see ourselves as God does. Lamentations 3:22 states, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail" (NIV).

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed by the masquerade of this world; God's compassions never fail, even though He sees straight into our very core. Living under God's love, instead of the world's superficiality, is what gives me the courage to be myself and allow others to see who I am: a human being with strengths, weaknesses, desires, and fears, but most importantly, a person loved and cherished by my Creator.

C.S. Lewis once said:

The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. … He invented […] all the different men that you and I were intended to be. … .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.¹

The more we reflect Christ's character, the easier it will be to reflect the personality God intended us to have.

One Body, Many Parts

Great then, you be you, I'll be me, and we'll be one big happy family. Not quite. Proverbs 27:6 says "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (NASB).Wait a minute — wounds? From a friend? Faithful? It's a bit counterintuitive, but it's not meant to be discouraging. It's just important to understand that being real means taking a risk, and like any other risk, it involves the possibility of pain.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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When we unmask ourselves, we may get hurt. But is that all bad?

Join the discussion!

Satan's masquerade doesn't stop simply because we choose to walk out of it. There will always be a temptation to run away, to wear the masks that are offered to us on a constant basis. I think as Christians, God calls us to see one another the way He sees us; to see beyond the masks and understand that deep down everyone wants to be known and accepted for who they are. We are a body in Christ and every single part is important. So let's see the different parts as they are, and appreciate one another in a genuine way.