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A Single Blessing

The Picture's Not so Perfect

I always thought that I would meet my spouse in college. We would date for about a year, graduate, get fabulous jobs, and then have a wonderful wedding. Picture perfect. However, since I am currently holding my college diploma in my diamondless left hand, I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. Very wrong.

Not only am I sans spouse, but I don't even have a boyfriend. My Friday nights are not often double booked with boys who are dying to buy me dinner and a movie. I am lucky to get a smile from the elderly man who greets people as they come into Wal-Mart.

In this article about singleness, I could say a lot of things. I could talk about how the Lord is the only one who will make us truly content. I could ask you to enjoy the freedom that comes with this time of singleness. I could comment on how the church often makes singles feel out of place, or I could give tips on flirting. I'm not going to do any of those things. I would rather just share a small part of my story with you. It is not hugely theological; it is not full of words of wisdom. It is an attempt to be honest about a time of life that can be difficult. It is about things I have felt as a single girl, and it is about a God who is truth.

Guitar Guru

I am currently pretending to learn how to play guitar. I say pretending because, although I know a total of nine chords and can therefore play most of the praise and worship songs in existence, I don't think I will advance much further than that. I will learn how to play the chords I know a bit better, probably learn a few variations, but I have no plans to learn how to finger pick a song, learn fancy strumming patterns, or lead worship. So, while I tell people that I'm learning to play guitar because that makes me sound cool, I secretly know that I will never be a real guitarist.

The very first song I learned how to play was Blessed Be Your Name, written by Matt Redman, and recently made popular by the band, Tree 63. (All you do is play the same four chords over and over again, by the way. I can teach you how to play it, if you want. I'll be here in Colorado, waiting with guitar in hand.)

Anyway, as I practiced Blessed Be Your Name each night, I learned the words very well. I liked them. I usually get tired of trendy, overplayed worship songs, but Blessed Be Your Name really stuck with me.

The song says that we will bless the Lord when everything is good — when we're raking in the dough, enjoying the undivided attention of a boyfriend, fitting into a smaller pair of jeans than usual — but it also says that we will praise God when life is hard — the night you eat the entire pan of brownies to curb your depression, or when you stay home and fold laundry on a Friday evening — the day when God seems farther away than ever before. We praise God in the good and the bad, because, although our circumstances change, He never does. If He deserves our worship when life is great, then He also deserves it when we can't see through our tears.

As my fingers struggled to conform to the guitar chords each night, repeating those lyrics slowly engrained truth into my mind. The words of that song subtly began to teach me that my fickle emotions do not determine who God is or the thanks He is worthy of. It's a good song.

Every Blessing…

Recently, while listening to the song on my computer, (Tree 63 does a tad bit better version than I do) I seemed to hear one of the lines for the first time. This is what it says:

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, blessed be the name of the Lord.

The part that struck me was that first sentence. I wondered what it meant to praise the Lord for every blessing He pours out. Does that mean that every situation in my life is a blessing that I need to praise God for? As I asked this question, I realized that I was sitting in my room playing guitar that evening, very much not on a date. Very much single. And very often lonely. Was I supposed to praise God for this? I think not!

I told myself: I will not praise God for my loneliness, for the times I've been passed over for someone else. I will not thank God for refusing to provide someone to marry, or someone who wants to marry me. I will not be grateful for the hot tears that escape when the feelings of inadequacy, ugliness and self-doubt overwhelm me. I can praise God for a lot of things, I told myself. But I cannot praise Him for singleness … I just can't.

Elusive Comfort

This is the part of the story where I am supposed to tell you that God granted me the divine ability to joyfully praise him in spite of lonely circumstances. Sitting on my bed that night, listening to Blessed Be Your Name, I was suddenly struck with the joy of the Lord, with the ecstasy of knowing that God is in control and that He loves me. The verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart," popped into my head and I knew everything would be all right. I suddenly knew that I would be fulfilled in Him. That is how the story is supposed to go. That is what was supposed to have happened. It didn't.

I was not comforted that night. Although I knew that God was in control, that He loved me, that He was everything He had always been, I did not feel any of those things. I felt like God was mean — that He knew I needed encouragement and yet refused to give it to me. I felt frustrated with God, and I wanted to yell at Him. So I did. Well, I yelled at Him a little bit, but mostly I pleaded. I pleaded for God to give me what I wanted. I pleaded with Him to show me favor in this area. I cried big tears to show God just how serious I was. When I had exhausted myself, I listened to that song again.

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise.

I rolled over on my bed, grabbed a tissue, and I asked God if this time of singleness was supposed to be some sort of a blessing. I told Him that if it was, He could go ahead and unbless me. I lay there as God listened. I told Him I was tired of requesting the same thing of Him for so long. I told Him I was tired of crying. I lay there — fighting. Stupid convicting lyrics.

Grudging Gratitude

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise.

I was tired of fighting. I was confused about God. I felt like a bad Christian because I couldn't seem to find complete contentment in Christ. I was not able to delight myself in the Lord. But I did know that God was true. I believed He was trustworthy.

Finally — achingly — through the tears and with much resistance, I grudgingly decided to praise God for this time in my life. Right there on my bed, through hiccupy sobs, I glorified Him for my singleness, and I asked Him to make me thankful for it. "I praise you for this season of my life, Lord," I said, with my head buried in my pillow. I said it quietly. If He wasn't God, He probably wouldn't have heard it.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Does God deserve to be
praised in the midst of all of our circumstances? Even the horrible ones?

Join the discussion!

When I verbally praised God for my lack of a boyfriend, I don't know if I meant it. I couldn't fully mean it; my heart hurt too much. I don't know if that muffled exaltation counted as true praise. But I tried to be obedient. I did it, even though I knew I wouldn't be comforted. I did it because I knew that God was who He said He was. And I eventually fell asleep that night.

What's Next

In part 2 of this article, we'll discuss the biblical example of Job — someone who blessed God in the most extreme circumstances. If he could do it, then I should probably be able to praise God even when He doesn't give me what I want.