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Adventures in Modesty

Culotte Couture

As I've mentioned before, my parents home schooled my brother and me. We studied reading, writing and arithmetic in our dining room/classroom, and for other educational activities, we joined a home-school group. We would meet with them for field trips, art lessons, Spanish classes, and so on. (It was in this second grade Spanish class that I learned that my name is translated "Denise" in Spanish. That's right. Just like in English. Quite exotic.)

I think the people in our home-school group thought my family was a bit different. While I got along with them, I always knew there was a small stigma associated with us. We would receive stares and gasps when we walked in to home-school events. There were slight shakes of the head and parents covering their innocent children's eyes as we passed by. You see — we wore jeans.¹

Most of the girls in our home-school group wore skirts (they considered them more modest) at all times unless they were participating in an athletic event — then the culottes came out, billowing gently around their knees as they ran. I would look down at my athletic shorts and wonder if the visibility of my knobby knees was immodest. Some of my home-schooled friends may have thought so. But why?

During the past few weeks, we have had an interesting conversation about modesty in the TrueU Coffee Shop. Modesty is a difficult topic to define, as we've seen with the differences in cultural standards of modest attire and the actual meaning of the word itself. We have posted personal guidelines for modest clothing, and we've questioned what the Apostle Paul meant when he tells women not to wear gold or pearls. Modesty can be a touchy subject because it affects our style — and steps on the sense of our "right" to wear whatever we want.

After reading over the discussion, I decided to address this topic — not by giving a list of what we should or shouldn't wear — but by walking through a couple of ideas regarding how we could think about modesty according to a biblical worldview.

I am Woman, Watch Me Dance

I went to a dance club a few months back. While I was busy showing off my mad break-dance fighting skills, quite a few of the girls in the club were showing off their bodies.

One girl was wearing a short skirt and as she danced, she was literally showing off her entire backside — the thong did not cover all that much. First of all, I personally didn't feel that I needed to know the details of her underwear, thanks. But that's not even the point. How did these guys perceive this girl as she was dancing? She was being ogled and lusted after, but did any of them care about who she was as a person? Either way, this girl didn't seem to care. She wanted to flaunt her body. It made me wonder why she desired that kind of attention from guys. What motivated her actions?

In today's society, women often talk about the need to be equals. We have come a long way from the days where we were seen as sexual objects — or have we? Flip through the channels for about five seconds and you'll find multiple examples of women in skimpy clothes and inappropriate positions. But hey, these women aren't being forced to do this; they're volunteering to be seen as sex objects. I just wonder if we women don't compromise some of the honor we have as humans created in the image of God when we allow or even encourage men to see us only as sexual objects.

Modesty Rules

We all know that men are visually stimulated. Every Christian modesty book in the world has mentioned this fact. Guys see a bit of your midriff and go crazy. Men see you in tight jeans and can't concentrate on anything else. Guys see one of your toenails and their imaginations run wild. Oftentimes, as a woman, I have been a bit confused and, to be honest, frustrated with this. If guys are such weirdo perverts, I've thought, then that's their own problem. It's not my responsibility to baby-sit their eyes. If I'm fairly careful about what I wear and a quarter-inch of my stomach just happens to show when I reach for something, I'm not going to feel too badly about it. So there.

I still feel this way to an extent. I'm not going to wrap myself in a burka just to prevent a guy from seeing my shape. Men are responsible for themselves, which includes the thoughts they allow themselves to think. They should not blame us for their lust. The Bible tells us to think about pure and good things, and it tells us to avoid lustfulness. I am not excusing guys from the part they play in this whole issue. But what — if any — are our responsibilities in this matter?

Some of the frustrations women have with the issue of modesty are all of the "rules" that often come with it, and the pressure to follow these rules at all times, with no exceptions. I worked at Christian camps for a number of years, and the packing list sent out to the campers always included a dress code. No skirts that are more than two inches above the knee. No low-rise jeans. No spaghetti straps. No two-piece swimsuits. Those guidelines are probably helpful and practical for modest behavior in American society.

I am not denying the usefulness of having a list of the types of skimpy tank tops we are not willing to buy from Express. But as we look at the topic of modesty from the lens of a biblical worldview, I want to discuss and discover the reasoning and heart behind the rules.

Help a Brotha Out

Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37, NIV) and to "[l]ove your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Usually when I hear these verses, I think of being nice to my friends, or at least trying to avoid running bad drivers off the road. But listen to what Paul writes about the commandment to love our neighbor in the book of Romans:

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law (13:8-10, emphasis mine).

Paul is saying that all of these specific rules are fulfilled when we love our neighbor. It seems pretty obvious, but if you love your friend, you probably won't murder him. If you decide to love your classmate, you won't steal his new laptop. Simple, right?

Loving our neighbors relates to any kind of issue we come up against — including modesty. Notice that "love does no harm to its neighbor." If wearing a shirt that shows cleavage will cause some guys to sin, why should we purposely do it?

For me, girls, this topic is not about legalism. It's about us trying to show some love for our brothers. It's not about jeans vs. skirts; it's about being conscious about the commands that Jesus gave.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Do you think the command to "love our neighbors" relates to modesty? Why or why not?

Join the discussion!

Paul, when writing to the Corinthians, said, "'Everything is permissible' — but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' — but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

We all have the "right" to wear whatever we want. But, honestly, it's not that traumatic for any of us to wear a couple more inches of material if it will help keep someone from sinning.