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Words of Wisdom
Melody's friends seem to trust her — they often ask her for her opinion. But even if we offer good advice, there are things we can learn about what to say, when to say it, and how to go about coming up with a wise answer.
Daydreams of an Advice Addict
It's getting late and the pages of your biology book are starting to blur. A sudden knock at the door causes your head to jerk up, jolting your coffee cup and splashing a few dark drops onto your notes. Your friend rushes into the dorm room, looking urgent and confused. "I need some advice," he says. After he shares his dilemma, do you hold your tongue and shrug your shoulders or do you automatically jump in with a 12-step plan for how he should live his life?
I usually pounce at the opportunity to show off my wisdom. When I hear those three little words: "I need advice," my heart speeds up and my head swells a few inches. He trusts me and wants to know my opinion! I think. He wants me to tell him what to do!
I dream of someday having a worldwide newspaper column like "Dear Abby." Readers will send me their life-altering dilemmas and urgent questions, and I will give them the perfect, sophisticated answer. Eventually I will be rich and famous and won't be able to leave my house without being attacked by a mob of people wanting to know what they should do about their boyfriend or credit card bills or in-laws.
In the meantime I'll settle for a little less fame and help my friends with their problems, something I'm more than happy to do.
God desires for His people to be wise and godly counselors for their friends. The Bible is full of people who used their own wisdom and experiences to help others. Paul wrote countless letters to early congregations with advice on how to live as Christians, and Naomi gave advice to Ruth on how to snag a husband (though I doubt her strategy would work today). In everyday trials and difficult decisions, God still expects His people to advise each other.
As someone who desires to be an advisor for her friends, I want my wisdom to be based in God's truth. I have found many of my friends calling me recently for answers, and I know God desires to use me. So indulge me, if you will, as I give you my advice on advice giving.
Searching for Wisdom
I've realized that the only way we can know what counts as wisdom in God's book is by reading God's Book. In the book of James, we find a list describing godly wisdom as pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, and sincere.
If I advise a friend to seek revenge on her boyfriend for accidentally hurting her, that's not exactly peace-loving wisdom. If a classmate advises you to lie about your service hours for class, that wisdom is not going to yield good fruit. Good wisdom will always bring glory to God. Next time you give advice, use this handy checklist from James.
James also tells us that in order to receive God's wisdom, all we have to do is ask (1:5). When we pray for answers, God will provide. Sometimes He allows us to do some of our own searching to find them — He doesn't always give us a study guide, complete with answers, before the test. He expects us to do our own reading and research. But God will reveal Himself to us through His Word and through prayer.
On My Knees
Many times when a friend asks for advice, I forget to pray about my answers. But if I'm not tapping into the source of all wisdom through prayer, then my answer may not be the best. When giving someone advice, I need to remember to pray before I answer, while I'm answering, and after I've answered. And I should remind the advice-seeker to pray too. As good as my answer may be, it is possible that God has something else in mind for my friend and she will only discover it through direct prayer with God.
"I Don't Know"
Over the last few years, I've learned the importance of the phrase "I don't know." As much as someone may want to hear the exact formula and steps to solving their problem, if you don't know the answer, simply say so. Making something up or pretending that you know the best course of action is not going to help them if your advice is wrong.
Strangely enough, many of my friends tend to ask me for advice on romantic relationships, obviously forgetting that I've never even been on a real date. I always preface my answers with "Well, I really don't know from experience…" Be honest about your lack of experience in some areas and, if possible, point them toward someone who has been through a similar trial.
Just Tell Your Story
I have a cousin who just graduated from high school, and he recently asked me how I decided on a major in college. How did I answer such a question? Well, I just told him my story. No long, step-by-step plan for finding God's calling on his life, just the reality of how God revealed His plan to me. And oftentimes, that's all we have to do: share our story. God reveals His wisdom to us through experiences. But remember, what happened in your life may not be the way it's supposed to happen in someone else's.
Get the Full Scoop
I've learned that sometimes when a friend seeks your help, they don't give you the full story right away. Before jumping in with an answer, make sure they're actually done talking ("Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish." Proverbs 18:13, NLT) because there may be more to the story. You might have to do a little digging, ask some questions and get more information about what really happened. It could be that what they're asking you is just a cover-up for something deeper.
For example, you may think that she's just asking for your opinion on abortion in general, but it could be that she's actually pregnant herself and struggling over what to do about it. Or maybe she knows someone in that situation. In any case, be sensitive. If we assume that we know the whole story, we may unwittingly fail to share Christ's love.
Follow Through
When I have a crisis, it's encouraging to know that my friend's concern is genuine and they really want to help me figure things out. One of the best things a friend can do after they share their wisdom is to keep track of the situation.
Ask how things are going and offer to help in any way possible. Help your roommate research graduate schools. Email your brother that article you found about standing up to a Christian-bashing professor. Send your best friend a card with a Bible verse that encourages her to keep trusting Jesus with her finances. Little things like this show that your advice isn't focused on knowing all the answers, but on loving people and wanting to help them succeed.
"Soli Deo Gloria" — To God Alone Be the Glory
C O F F E E S H O PSo whether people are asking you for advice about something that will affect the rest of their lives, or if they just want some suggestions on a topic for their English paper, remember that God is the ultimate source of wisdom. While He encourages His people to help each other, nothing can take the place of knowledge that comes straight from Him, and all the advice and wisdom we share with each other should ultimately be for His glory.
Now, does anyone have any good advice about what I should do after college?
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