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Looking Narcissism in the Face(book)

Status Update: Denise Morris is a Facebook Addict

Here's the thing: I may be addicted to Facebook. It has become an official problem. I may need to enter a treatment program.

I check my profile first thing in the morning so I can get caught up on the happenings of what everyone did last night — if Joe from fifth grade went to a Rascal Flatts concert and posted a note about it, I need to know. I've got to see who has a new quote, who added new photos and whose relationship status has changed — these are life and death matters, people. I mean, what if I miss out on the fact that the girl I went to high school with and haven't talked to since is now "in a relationship"?!

Luckily, the stalking News Feed feature keeps me updated with profile pictures, breakups, parties, notes, bajillions of new applications and so much more! I never need to actually talk to my friends again.

It's brilliant.

However, it's come to my attention that Facebook has sneakily begun to influence my thoughts and actions. Have you noticed that you take more pictures of just yourself lately in hopes of it turning out to be a good profile picture? As you're taking pictures on vacation, are you thinking about what a great Facebook album you'll have? Do you find yourself in class trying to think of clever status updates? Please tell me that you do some of these things, because I'm really hoping that I'm not the only insane person in the Facebook world.

Thankfully, though, I have realized that this is a problem in the last few weeks. And admitting my sickness is the first step to recovery. I'm still sifting through the ups and downs of online social networking. But as I've already indicated, I've noticed a few startling things, some more of which I'd like to share with you.¹

Updated: Denise Morris is Self-Obsessed

Now beyond knowing the latest haps with my friends, the Facebook world encourages me to be my own biggest fan.

When I put up new pictures, I want everyone to see them and comment on me and my ostensibly fascinating life. My status updates either need to share something super interesting that I'm doing or be extremely funny. I sometimes write on peoples' walls so that they'll write on mine, and my favorite quotes are carefully planned out — they either need to demonstrate what a deep thinker I am or my fabulous sense of humor. And don't even get me started on the stresses of choosing a profile picture — it'll give me an ulcer.

But Facebook, MySpace and all the other social networking sites out there breed this type of attitude. Your profile is all about you — it's your chance to show yourself off to 546 of your closest "friends." We have sections to tell one another about ourselves, to list our favorite books and movies, to share our pictures with the world — as if any of us are that interesting.

What's notable is that our desire to stand out with our activities and interests actually make us very similar to one another. A New Atlantis article that talks about social networking puts it this way, "It is an overwhelmingly dull sea of monotonous uniqueness, of conventional individuality, of distinctive sameness."² Well that was blunt and rude. And true.

Again, I don't think Facebook is wrong. But I do see it feeding my desire to be recognized and admired. It's a selfish desire — much of my Facebook time is spent thinking about how people will perceive me. It took me nearly a half hour to name one of my Facebook albums the other day because I wanted the title to be catchy and clever so people would be amused and look at my pictures. Half of an hour. Thirty minutes. One thousand and eight hundred seconds. Again, if anyone knows of a good Facebook recovery program, let me know.

The bottom line is all of us want to be seen as unique individuals, which isn't wrong. But networks like Facebook and MySpace feed into our already raging narcissism. They are a way for us to seek admiration and virtual popularity, without truly connecting with people.

Denise Morris Joined The Two-Faced Group

Another issue that even a cursory glance at Facebook makes clear is that a lot of people are just plain stupid when it comes to what they put on their profiles. Underage college students are busy posting pictures of themselves at last night's kegger, or photos of them posing with friends at the concert they went to the night they were supposed to be working at the university call center. Not smart. And then these same people have the gall to get offended when they're called out on their behavior.

According to that New Atlantis article I mentioned earlier, 42 percent of students polled felt it was a violation of privacy when potential employers looked at their social networking profiles and 64 percent said Facebook profiles should never be considered when hiring.³ But why not? If that's who you are, why shouldn't your college administrators and potential employers know about it? But as the article points out, we like to keep what we say and what we do nice and separate:

This is a quaintly Victorian notion of privacy, embracing the idea that individuals should be able to compartmentalize and parcel out parts of their personalities in different settings. It suggests that even behavior of a decidedly questionable or hypocritical bent (the Victorian patriarch who also cavorts with prostitutes, for example, or the straight-A business major who posts pictures of himself funneling beer on his MySpace page) should be tolerated if appropriately segregated.⁴

This idea, I feel, is one that we in the Christian community have incorrectly embraced, and it has bled over into much more than our Facebook photo albums. Whether we're aware of it or not, we have come to think it's acceptable to say one thing and do another, even when it comes to our faith.

Let me demonstrate: I say that I trust God, but the way I fret about situations in my life proves something different. I say that my greatest desire is to serve the Lord, but I spend most of my life thinking about and entertaining myself.

Much of the reason we think this way is because most of us have been influenced by a Greek or Western worldview that has separated belief from action. It allows us to put a heavy emphasis on creeds and doctrinal principles instead of acting out what we say we believe. Now, I obviously think it's important to know exactly what we believe and be able to articulate it. But if what we say is not matched by what we do, it's basically worthless. An article in Messiah Magazine talks about this very thing:

[O]ur confession of Yeshua as the risen Lord (for instance) is extremely important (Romans 10:9). But our confession of Yeshua rings hollow if our lives do not conform to His teaching. The problem with the Greek worldview is that ideas (confession) can be easily separated from the world in which we live (actions), because truth exists in the intellect rather than in the everyday world of our lives. Thus, one can genuinely believe the truth while living contrary to it.⁵

This separation of belief and actions has affected our thinking, our faith, and has even trickled down to our Facebook profiles. You might say you believe something, but does the way you live your life show all of your 700 Facebook "friends" the same thing?

Denise Morris is …

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What are some of the positives and negatives of social networking sites?

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I'm still planning to keep my Facebook profile. I will be adding new photos and writing on my friends' walls. But I have begun to think a bit more deeply about how something as simple as a social networking site can show me a lot about myself and my worldview. Does what I put on Facebook only have to do with feeding my narcissism? Do the photo chronicles of my life indicate that I'm serving others or simply entertaining myself? These are all good things to evaluate, so that I can refocus on what's truly important.