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Mixed Matches, Part 1

Dating Dilemmas

Isn't it great that boys and girls always understand each other? They're always on the same page, always communicating effectively, always sharing openly. Dating relationships are so simple, easy as pie, really … or not.

Since dating is often the antithesis of easy, especially when you have 13 hours of homework every night and messy roommates to deal with, who would even think of making it more complicated?

That is often the question that surfaces when the topic of interracial relationships is brought up. I don't know that they're morally wrong, people say, but there are more challenges to deal with. It's definitely harder than dating someone of the same race. Since the question comes up, it is obviously one that worries quite a few people. Are their concerns valid? Let's break down the issue in black and white. (Gosh, I'm clever. Or nauseating.)

Mocha Latte

One evening, when I was about six-years-old, I had a striking revelation about my family. I was hanging out with my mom and, for some reason, when I glanced at her I was surprised by what I saw.

"Mom," I began with interest, "Why is my skin brown, when yours is white and Dad's is really dark?"

"Well," she replied. "That's the way God made you." She paused for a moment, contemplating the best way to explain genetics to someone who still talked to her dolls. "I guess it's kind of like when you see me drink coffee," she continued. "If I have a cup of black coffee, and I add some cream to it, it turns to a light brown. Kind of like the color of your skin."

I pondered this response for a moment while I stared at my mocha-colored arm. Finally I looked back at her and smiled. I was happy with that answer. I liked my skin, the color of coffee mixed with cream.

So, through my charming little story, you obviously realized that I am the product of an interracial marriage, where my dad is the coffee and my mom is the cream. "Big deal, so what," you say? Exactly!

Interracial dating, marriage and children are growing trends in the United States. A 2000 Newsweek investigation found that one in 19 children born in America are of mixed race.¹ America is truly becoming a melting pot.

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Are interracial relationships worth the risk?

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As interracial relationships become more prevalent, one has to wonder why. Is it because our society has finally rid itself of racism? Have we evolved to a higher level of acceptance and understanding? Has our society finally gotten its morals straight? Personally, I'm skeptical of all of those ideas. And besides, even though there is more interracial dating going on, most people I talk to are still concerned with potential discrimination that will result from a mixed-race relationship.

Midwestern Marriage

My parents were married in Minnesota in 1977. They promptly moved to a small city in South Dakota to finish their nursing degrees. Since it was a small, Midwestern place — the city's boasting rights are grounded in its corn palace — my parents may have expected trouble from a few people. But no one cared that they were an interracial couple. People were about as interested in their mixed-race union as cows are in passing cars. And this was almost thirty years ago.

I can personally say that I have not experienced difficulties from anyone because I am bi-racial. Racism obviously still exists in this country — in some places more than others — but many interracial couples are not ostracized. However, one would never know this since the idea that interracial relationships are difficult and opposed is often subtly perpetuated by the media.

Color TV

If you take a good look, many of the television sitcoms and movies that have portrayed interracial relationships do so in a negative manner.

Most of the time, if a movie has an interracial couple their difficulties are the main focus of the film. Movies such as Save the Last Dance, Guess Who and Jungle Fever all focus on extreme challenges the characters face in their relationships because of their different skin colors. The couples in all of these movies are forced to struggle through societal shunning and cultural differences.

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Do the media have a responsibility to normalize interracial relationships?

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I am not saying that interracial couples don't face problems. They certainly did in the past, and I know that some continue to. However, I think it is an issue that is often presented as inevitable, when it isn't. People who do not have real life experience with mixed-race couples will be more willing to believe what they see in the media. They are more likely to approach interracial relationships with caution and apprehension, always afraid of the giant conflicts that await them.

Racism in a Postmodern Society

To be sure, there are justified reasons for believing that interracial relationships are more difficult than same-race ones. While plenty of people are willing to date anyone — red, yellow, black or white — there are still some people out there who are against mixed-race couples.

Interracial marriages were illegal in this country until the Supreme Court ruled against anti-miscegenation laws in 1967. However, some states kept these laws in their state constitutions until recently, including Alabama, which did not vote to remove the interracial marriage ban until 2000. The textbook, Understanding Social Problems, noted the racist attitudes that continue to exist in America:

"In the 2000 elections, the citizens of Alabama voted to remove the state constitution's ban on interracial marriage. Even though the ban had been deemed unconstitutional by the 1967 Supreme Court ruling and could not be enforced, 41 percent of Alabama voters voted against removing the ban from the state constitution in the 2000 election" (emphasis mine).²

What is it that makes people think it is acceptable to discriminate against a couple based on their skin tones? In today's society, postmodern thinking is prevalent, claiming that what is wrong for you may not be wrong for me. If a person doesn't believe anything to be absolute, then ethics — right and wrong — are solely created by human beings.

Morals are a social construct, created by people according to what they think works best. What is considered moral or immoral can change at any time according to the needs of society. So technically, the Holocaust or slavery may have been right for those people in society at that time. They are not considered moral right now, but that could change at any time. Maybe racism is still right for some people.

I once had a conversation with a guy who clearly held a postmodern worldview. He uncomfortably admitted to me that slavery may have been right in our country for certain people at that time. He really said that. But what he said made sense from the perspective of his worldview.

If morals are arbitrarily constructed, if they are completely situational, then something that is wrong for you may not be wrong for me. Based on his common sense, he couldn't comfortably tell me that racism was right, but according to his belief system, he couldn't tell me it was wrong. Without an authoritative creator, there is no way to truly know what is right and wrong. Anything can be "morally" justified because there is no transcendent plumb line to measure anything by.

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How does a worldview with a lack of absolutes affect the way society functions?

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Basically, it may harder for people with godless, morally undefined worldviews to reject racism as ethically unacceptable. Unfortunately, some people with Christian worldviews often manage to personally justify racist attitudes as well.

What's Next: Part 2

In part two of this series, we will discuss concerns that people have about interracial relationships. We will also dissect the argument that claims we are all created equal — but should remain separate.