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Fear Is Nothing

Opening the Door

In Denise's article, "The Dry and Weary Land," she describes our need to incorporate emotion into our worship of God. I totally agree with her sentiments; I've definitely been in the sort of emotionally non-responsive place she describes.

I remember being a senior in college at a Campus Crusade conference in Denver, sitting in the little prayer room asking God to make His love real to me. I fervently prayed Revelation 3:20, which says "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" (NIV). I knew God was knocking on the door of my heart, but I just didn't know how to open it.

Thankfully, over time and through various means, God has answered that prayer.

But this article isn't about that process.

Actually, it's about disregarding your feelings entirely …

Decisions, Decisions

A cousin of mine once told me that he very rarely, if ever, let his feelings affect the decisions he makes. His statement confounded me. It was such a foreign concept.

I have to admit I've let fear and its various manifestations — shame, excessive guilt, worry, greed — affect how I relate to the world around me.

For instance, I generally prefer the spaces I inhabit to be fairly orderly. But until quite recently (this past Saturday's cleaning session, in fact) you wouldn't have known it by glancing at my bedroom or my closet. For most of my life, my bedroom — wherever I've lived — has exhibited a degree of clutter. Whenever I wanted to clean my room, I would have to be preternaturally motivated to do so. I usually didn't have the confidence to believe I could clean my room and keep it so. Most of the time, I just wouldn't try. I know, it sounds silly now, but I really did let fear of failure prevent me from cleaning my room.

Fear has also paralyzed me in the face of having to make major life decisions. I recall walking off the stage after giving my valedictory speech at my high school commencement ceremony thinking, "Here I am, graduating from high school, and I'm not willing to commit to either of the universities to which I've applied." I avoided making that decision until my housing application to Kansas State University was due. The possibility that I might be making the wrong decision rendered me hamstrung.

And I almost didn't apply to work here at TrueU. Shocking, I know. Even though I knew God had given me a measure of writing talent, as well as a desire to effect change in the lives of college and university students, I didn't want to try. Even our aforementioned friend and illustrious (and awesome!) editor Denise told me to apply for the job. It was as if I had shaken one of those magic eight ball things and the message was coming up, "All signs point to yes." But I didn't want the job. I was afraid of the stress that attends creative pursuits like writing. And what if I'm really not that great at this whole writing thing anyway? (That's a rhetorical question; don't answer.)

Essentially, I've made, or avoided making, decisions based primarily on feelings of fear, self-doubt, shame and so on.

Joshua Fit the Battle of … Fear

Do you suppose Joshua, the man who succeeded Moses as the leader of the Israelite nation, ever let fear get the best of him?

I mean, it's probably a safe bet that he did: He was a man. And all of us guys, to some degree or another, wonder if we really have what it takes.

I raise the question because in the first nine verses of Joshua 1 God tells Joshua three different times to be "strong and courageous." In the second of these commandments God tells him to be strong and very courageous. And God keeps reminding Joshua that He's always around, that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (v. 5). It almost seems like overkill.

Not that Joshua didn't have reason to be a little fearful. The Israelites had a propensity for whining and complaining and mutinously threatening to go back to Egypt, the land of their enslavement. And that was back when Moses, the Moses, the man whom God had anointed to lead them out of slavery, was in charge. And now, under Joshua's lead, they were faced with the specter of having to route out some giant peoples — not massive in number, necessarily, but the beneficiaries of a genetic predisposition to gigantism. These pre-Goliaths were so imposing that 10 of the 12 young men who scouted out the land came back saying it would be impossible to conquer. (Maybe the fact that Joshua was one of the two who said they would be victorious had some bearing on his succeeding Moses. But that's just a guess.)

Don't Tell Me What to Do

One day I was meditating on Joshua 1:9. It's a verse an older and much wiser man spoke into my life a while ago: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

In my hierarchy of Bible verse highlighting, I underline memorable verses, but I box the truly inspirational ones. Joshua 1:9 is one of my boxed verses. But not the first five words: "Have I not commanded you?"

I've always had a fair amount of contempt for those words. What use is it for God to command Joshua — and by extension, me — to be strong and courageous? Strength and courage are states of mind — feelings, essentially. They're not attributes one can turn on at will, like water from a spigot, right?

Underlying that question, I think, was my assumption that my feelings — most notably my feelings of fear and self-doubt — are the most trustworthy indicator of who I really am. I've always thought if I feel fearful it's because I just can't hack it.

I didn't box those words because they felt like a divine indictment against my masculinity, against the core of who I am.

Stop: Epiphany Time!

As I read and reread those five words, wanting very badly to believe God wasn't being intentionally callous in saying them to Joshua, something happened.

I had an epiphany.

Instead of reading, "Have I not commanded you?" I saw different words. I felt God saying, "Yes, Joshua, I know you're afraid. But don't let your fears and doubts keep you from achieving the things I've created you for. If I tell you to do something, it's only because I know you can."

It was a moment of utter clarity. And in that moment, all my fears became nothing.

I can't tell you how freeing it was to realize that when God commands us to be strong and courageous, it's because He's already given us the power to accomplish whatever it is He's called us to.

We Ain't Scared

Needless to say, I applied for, was offered and accepted the job here at TrueU. But I didn't even consider entering into that process until I received some sage advice from one of my roommates. He said, "Don't not do it just because you're afraid."

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Do you sometimes find it hard to be "strong and courageous"?

Join the discussion!

I've come to realize that when you put your feelings in their proper place — down at God's feet — you live life differently. Suddenly you don't care what other people think of you. You don't avoid doing things just because you're afraid you won't be able to follow through. You admit and deal with brokenness in yourself and your relationships because you know God wants to make you whole. Sure, you feel fearful from time to time, but you don't let your emotions control how you act and the decisions you make.

Basically, you meet life head on, because you know God's got your back.