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Calling All Men

Simon Says

While I was sitting around thinking about all the awesomely profound things I could write for my inaugural Men's Hall article, a particular tune kept running through my head. I know what you're thinking, and yes, it would have been pretty stellar if it had been the leitmotif of the Rocky anthology. Instead, it was a song by famed indie pop (and by "indie pop" I mean "folk") duo Simon and Garfunkel. The song: "I am a Rock." It's written from the perspective of a man who's had it with relationship. He'd rather be left alone. Since it's a good microcosm of the whole song, I've included the second verse:

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Considering its happy-go-lucky melody, the song is definitely laced with — or marinating in — irony and exaggeration. But however hyperbolic, its theme is very apropos of what I'd like to address here: the essentiality of community, especially as it relates to us men.

God In Three Persons: Blessed Community

I know we hear it all the time; the word "community" has become a bit passé. But regardless of what we call it (and if you have another word for it, let me know in the Coffee Shop via the discussion link near the end of this article), community is biblical. It even predates Adam and Eve. We find it in one of the most basic of Christian doctrines — the Trinity. Because God exists in three persons, He cannot be explained outside of relationship.

With God's triune nature in mind, let's consider Genesis 1:27. This verse clearly states that God created us in His own image. Besides giving us creative and moral faculties, He designed us to live in community so we could catch at least a glimpse of the perfect, uninterrupted relationship He experiences.

All the Women, Independent (Throw Your Hands Up at Me)

Now, let's face it: We young men would prefer to accomplish things out of our own strength. The last thing we want is to come off all needy. We want to figure things out and get stuff accomplished on our own. We read manuals and ask for directions only as a last — and emasculating — resort.

As to whether this self-determining spirit is an after-the-Fall vestige of God's original intent for men or merely a cultural declension, I am not in a position to speculate. But it does seem that this desire to work and accomplish and do for ourselves can easily manifest itself in our relationships, where it certainly doesn't belong. It can even preclude us from forming relationships in the first place. Though few of us would ever outwardly claim it, many of us live as if we really don't need anyone — especially other men.

And that should concern us.

Northern Exposure

This pattern pervaded my own life, for quite a while. Growing up, I had enough sour experiences with other guys — especially guys I considered my friends — that I walled myself off from them. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't trust them, and that I really didn't want to anyway. I would have told you I was acting out of self-preservation. But really, it amounted to self-destruction.

During my years in college, I was surrounded by many God-fearing young men whom I should have been able to trust. But I had very little idea of how to do that (and of course, I didn't want to ask for anybody's help!). Looking back, I was following the same pattern from my past: I would have rather played the lone ranger than take a chance at getting burned. I didn't have a past that informed me that trusting was worth the risk.

I recognize now that my spiritual development was stunted during college because I didn't let my guard down and fully avail myself to the community of guys in my campus ministry. And I can say this with relative certainty, because I contrast the spiritual funk I was in my first few years of college with the maturation I've experienced since then, when I have actively participated in community and formed deep friendships with other young men.

The initial and most influential of these community experiences was a guys-only summer missions project with Campus Crusade in Juneau, Alaska, between my junior and senior years of college. I really didn't want to go, initially. But God gently prodded me, until I knew that doing anything else with my summer would be settling for less than God's best for me.

Over the course of that summer, I realized that I would never come to a place of healthy, biblical masculinity¹ — a place I so desperately wanted to be — on my own. I needed the guidance of men who had traveled that road before me, and I needed other young men to encourage me along the way. Though it was a long time in coming, I finally understood that being an "island" was no longer an option.

Calling All Men

I had to learn my lesson the hard way. But through it all I came to the conclusion that God does have a plan for me as a guy. Essential to the realization of that plan is my engaging with other non-females about what it means to be a godly man. And so I'm excited to explore that topic with all of you here in the Men's Hall.

Now, the Men's Hall isn't going to be simply a regurgitation of the latest thought from the newest Christian book on masculinity. That's not to say that we won't examine those ideas; on the contrary — we need to be cognizant of the ideas that are affecting our collective consciousness of what it means to be a man.

But we cannot (and should not) take a cookie cutter approach to what it means to be, and how we go about becoming, men. A single metaphor will not do. Not every man is an athlete. Not every man escapes to the wilderness every chance he gets. And certainly not every man sits at a computer all day writing and editing for the awesomest website ever. Quite frankly, I'm very glad God made us all to be different. But every man, regardless of his interests or avocation, does need other men to come alongside him and encourage him as he strives to become who God made him to be.

As to what the Men's Hall will be, well, I'm calling for your input. I don't want to assume that you need to hear about whatever I'm learning or the experiences that I've gone through.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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What issues would you like to see addressed here in the Men's Hall?

Join the discussion!

Of course, we're going to continue covering the basics. Relationships. Accountability. Transformers, the movie. Those sorts of things. But I definitely want to hear what you have to say, and what you'd like to see here in the Men's Hall. After all, this community's for you.