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Roomies

Moving In

The ritual happens every fall on every college campus across the country. New students filled with an equal amount of confidence and fear pull into campus and find the place they will call home for the next year.

Then he arrives. He seems nice enough. Mom and Dad are helping him move in and they are the average run of the mill middle-aged parents. Yup, his mom bought him the same kind of homey stuff for the room. It must be a mom thing! Mom and Dad leave. The RA shows up and welcomes you and makes sure you've got everything you need. That was nice.

The unpacking begins and the get-to-know-you conversation starts. We might just call it the "one-up-man-ship" conversation. You were in band, he was drum major. Score, 0-1. He graduated from a small high school and was top of the class. You were top of your class but from a large, competitive high school. Score even at 1. You like pepperoni on your pizza; he likes sausage. Push. And so it goes.

Into the evening the two of you get to know one another and settle in. You compromise on a few things and lay your foot down on others. People from neighboring rooms come by and say hello. There's the athlete from your cross-town rival high school. He's rooming with the math major from India. That should be interesting. Others file in and someone asks the most penetrating question of the day so far; "Anyone want to order pizza?" It's a silly question. All say yes.

Going Deeper

After pizza is consumed and the boxes thrown away, everyone moves to their own rooms and the conversations deepen. You and your new roommate begin to talk more seriously about who you really are.

In a few moments, the fact is expressed that your roomie doesn't believe in God. That isn't precisely true but he just doesn't like the church-scene and all the holy rollers that his parents spend time with. He'd been in church when he was a kid, but really got nothing out of it. "Youth group was lame," he said. "There were just too many rules and who needs all that judgment? Who are they to judge me or my friends? ... I'm a good person," he insists. "I have a good family and well ... I just don't need God in my life right now. He's for those who are weak and hurting, if He's there at all."

The room is silent and your heart and mind are pounding." What do you say to all of that? You consider yourself a firm, Bible-believing Christian who is trying to love God with all of who you are. The questions rattle around your brain: "What do I say? How am I going to live with this? Is it too late to switch rooms?"

The Next Time

There are two different words for time in the New Testament. First there is the word chronoswhich is the strict definition for time. It is like the watch on your wrist. Then there's the word kairos, and it has to do with God's purpose for our lives intersecting with an opportunity that He puts before us. You, my friend, have just been put into a kairos moment. Don't freak out and run away from it — prepare for it. Open yourself up to what God wants to happen in that moment and step through the door. How you step through will make a great deal of difference to the person sitting on the bed across the room from you.

The door has been swung open, what will you do? Although he didn't go to college, Jesus didinteract with folks just like your roommate. In fact, Jesus' harshest words were not for the seekers but for the religious leaders who were legalistic and dogmatic. When it came to those that the Bible called "sinners" (and that would include all of us, by the way) he was gentle, yet not a doormat; he was challenging yet not overbearing; and he was loving yet he never compromised the truth. It seems easy for Jesus to do, right? He's Jesus after all! "But I'm not Him," you say. No. But you are commissioned to live life like Him. So, with this roommate, what does that look like?

Living the Answers vs. Giving the Answers

First, don't over-rev your "evangelism" motor too much at this point. It might be tempting to launch into a long diatribe about the truth of Scripture and God's nature and the amazing creation of the cosmos out of nothing, etc. Whoa! Those are good thoughts and they'll be fodder for discussions later on, but tonight is about trust and relationship. This conversation is about asking questions and trying to understand your roommate's perspective.

In most cases, people who claim to have no belief in God have two things in common:

• Initially, they don't like God or the church because they want to live life on their own terms and don't want anyone else to tell them what to do. In short they have an issue with authority.
• Also, many of them have been burned by the church or by Christians. Honestly, we haven't done the "church-thing" that well, and there are causalities. Your roommate may be one. He even hinted at it in his comments about God and the church. You will need to be the voice and life of the "healer" you represent. Love him. Don't preach at him.

Second, don't hide who you really are. It would be tempting in this environment to keep it safe and sound and not acknowledge that you are a Christ follower. It would avoid all the tension, right? It would be better to sweep it under the carpet, right? Wrong. If you hope to have an authentic relationship with this new friend, then you should be ready to be real with him.

The other important factor is that you not pretend that you're perfect — that you have everything together. Maybe you think you do, but most of us on this journey don't, and we're afraid to admit it. We live under grace but we aren't perfect. Somehow you need to acknowledge that you walk with a limp. Show him that you are willing to limp along together with him as a companion.

Third, pray and prepare for the journey ahead. Many wise people have gone before us, and they've figured out that the journey's most rewarding when we listen and ask questions. Colossians 4 lays out a pretty good plan for communicating with others. First we are to pray for the message and opportunities to share. Then we are to seek wisdom, and finally we are speak so that "our conversation is filled with grace, seasoned with salt, so that we may know how to answer all men" (v. 6).

Most of us get the process reversed — we speak, seek some input, then ask God to come alongside our journey. Pray about what to say to your roommate. Pray about how to say it. Pray about when to say it. Seek wise counsel from parents, friends, pastors, other Christian students — even perhaps those that have walked this road before. Then be prepared for the kairos moments that come along.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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What's the best way to show an unbelieving roommate what eternal life looks like?

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Those moments will come. Doors will open, topics will be discussed, life will be lived and in all of it, the questions of life and purpose and God will come up. Expect it and prepare for it. Know that God put you into this room for such a time as this!