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Ask Theophilus: Interesting Things to Worry About

I CAN’T BELIEVE I WASTED ALL FOUR YEARS

I'm about to graduate from college. But I feel I'm not ready to. It wasn't until this year that I realized how awesome college is and how cool people are. I've finally been able to come out of my shell, mingle with other people, and do things like go to dances. I've discovered an eagerness to learn new things, and I've developed new interests to pursue even after college.

But I feel as though I missed out on a lot while I was here. I've had good times, but also hard times, because I have been working on my faith and trying to become more Christlike. It has been hard. Sometimes — even right now — I feel that Christ is so far from me. Like He isn't with me, isn't helping me. I try to listen to His whisper, but with all the other competing voices inside me, sometimes it's hard. No magical realization comes over me about what He wants me to do.

I've had all sorts of dreams and plans. Some of them I've sacrificed, believing that this would draw me closer to Christ's will. But when I look at other Christians around me and what they're doing now — going on mission trips, taking on leadership positions — I feel I wasted all my years of college and spiritual life because I was so busy trying to work on my spiritual life.

I feel scared now and uncertain of the times. I thought if I did well in college and all then I would feel content in what I had done here and go for a job like other college kids do. But I don't. Is something wrong with me? Is this Jesus telling me I have screwed up again?

I really want to find peace in my life. I want to believe that I fulfilled my years in college. I want to look forward to a new life — with a career, a girlfriend, more joy, and all that stuff. I really don't want to feel the pain of regret, thinking that even though I thought I was doing my best to live each day at college like it was my last, I was missing so much. Thanks.

I've had afraid-to-graduate conversations, feel-like-I-missed-out conversations, and aw-shucks-just-when-college-is-getting-fun-I-have-to-leave conversations. But your letter is different and more interesting. The line that arrested me was "I feel I wasted all my years of college and spiritual life because I was so busy trying to work on my spiritual life."

Was it something like this? One day your friend Mary mentioned, "Hey, we're going on a mission trip. Want to come?" You answered, "Thanks, but I can't. I've got to develop my sense of mission." Another time, Zack dropped by and said, "We're starting a prayer team. Can I get you to join?" You answered "Sorry, Zack. I'm too busy praying." Then there was the day that Colin mentioned, "I'm looking for people to help think up Christian scholars to come and speak. You'd be great at that. How about it?" You answered, "I wish I could, but I've had to give up that sort of thing so that I can get closer to Christ."

This year it's finally hit you that you've been going at the whole thing backward. The discovery is such a shock that you're finding it hard to focus on everyday things, like finding a post-college job. Is something wrong with you? Have you wasted your time at college? Have you screwed up "again"? (Interesting choice of adverb, by the way.)

Taking the three questions in order: No, no and no. By your own account, you followed Christ constantly, the best you knew how; you begged Him to change you for the better; and it looks to me as though that's just what He has been doing. Haven't you noticed that He is answering your prayer? No, I see that you haven't. Shall I explain?

Consider. Before, you hadn't discovered the thrill of discovering knowledge. Now you have. Before, you had no interests to pursue. Now you do. Before, you hadn't come out of your shell. Now you have. All through college, you tried to pursue your relationship with Christ more or less by yourself. Now you know that you need fellowship with other Christians. These are wonderful things, not bad ones; progress, not regress. As to your fear that you "wasted" your time at college: From God's point of view, nothing was wasted. He uses everything. Christ brought you to this point by the shortest route He could. The path that looks shorter to your imagination was not one that you could take. You feel that you ought to repent; far be it from me to say you're wrong, but do you know the meaning of the word "repent"? The Greek word is metanoia; it means to turn your mind around, to think differently. So don't look backward: "Woe is me that I didn't get here sooner." You wouldn't even be tempted to look backward, if you hadn't come so far. Repent and look forward: "Thanks be to God that He finally got me here!" What an adventure! What might God plan for you next?

There are three things you don't know yet, because you're too young. (Since I'm getting to be such a fossil, I'm allowed to say that.) Failures are normal; periods of self-doubt are normal; and intervals of dryness in prayer are normal. God can use our failures, if we learn from them; He can use our self-doubts, if we don't wallow in them; and as for those intervals of dryness, just think. If He never withdrew the feeling of His presence, how would we ever learn to trust in Him? Instead we would trust in the feeling. He uses all these things to train us.

We need that training, too. As your spirits lift — trust me, they will — your temptations and challenges won't vanish. But they will change. The temptations of a man who spends all his time at home aren't the same as the temptations of a man who goes to a dance now and then. Some will be new. That's normal too. Don't be afraid. Just be prepared.

I know how frustrating it is to try to hear the Triune God in the clatter and clamor of your mind. You might pray something like this. "Master, you wouldn't permit me to suffer this clamor unless it could somehow serve You; therefore I offer it to You. You who charged the storm to be still, I await Your voice of command." I don't mean that you will have a "magical realization" about what to do with your life. Concerning that desire, you might read my answer to a letter from another reader who also had graduation jitters.

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

THE WHOS AND HOWS OF BAPTISM

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I read the great article where you were talking with Mark about baptism. Do you think it's important who baptizes you? Should it be your pastor, husband, wife, parents or friend? Does it have to be public? Do you think it makes a difference to our Lord? Can it be private between God, the person being baptized, and the person getting baptized? Does it have to be in front of church members? Does it have to be in lake or stream water? Can it be in a heated spa, or a pool?

You see, I was baptized as a child. I have been a Christian my whole life. I have served the Lord in public ministry by volunteering for well over a decade. I'm not embarrassed to profess my faith in front of people — I'm embarrassed because I have private body issues. Please, could you respond?

You realize, don't you, that Christians don't agree about all of these things? But since you put him on the spot, poor Theophilus will try to answer in an ecumenical spirit, confining himself to points to which the Catholic Church, the Eastern Churches and most of the Protestant denominations would agree.

Does it matter who? Suppose, for example, that a dying patient asks his nurse to baptize him. She isn't an ordained minister, and her theology isn't very clear, but her intention is to do whatever it is that the Christ's Church does when it baptizes. So she gets a little clean water in a cup, says "I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit," and pours it over the patient's forehead. Most traditions would consider this a valid baptism. Most also prefer that baptism be done by a minister of the gospel, if this is possible, although most make exceptions for emergencies, like this one.

Does it matter how? Depends what you mean by how. In the previous example, I mentioned three hows: The intention of the person doing the baptism (to do whatever it is that ...), the use of clean water (not Coke, not beer, not lemonade), and the invocation of the Trinity ("in the name of ..."). Most traditions would agree that these three are necessary. Of course baptism should also be carried out in a way which respects the seriousness and holiness of what is going on. You wouldn't want to get married at the Elvis Wedding Chapel — at least I hope you wouldn't. For the same reasons, you shouldn't want to be baptized at the Loop-the-Loop Water Park.

Does it matter who watches? Most traditions strongly prefer having witnesses, and you can see why. The best reason for having witnesses is that baptism isn't just about you; it is the rite of entrance into the community of faith, the moment at which the solitary "I" becomes part of a "We." Besides, what if there were doubt, at some later point in life, about whether a person really had been baptized? Having the event witnessed puts an end to that problem. On the other hand, most traditions deny that having witnesses is strictly necessary for the baptism to be valid, and you can see the reason for that too. What if there is an emergency, and it is impossible to obtain any witnesses? Acts 8:36-38 provides an apparent example.

The second paragraph of your letter hints at several other issues. First, since you seem to be considering getting baptized now, I take it that you're concerned that your original baptism may have been invalid. Since you don't tell me the reasons for this fear, I can't address it. Second, since you mention your "private body issues," I take it that you're anxious about getting "dunked." Some Protestant denominations do prefer immersion; other Protestant denominations, as well as the Catholic Church and the Eastern Churches, don't. Of those denominations that do prefer immersion, I believe that most make exceptions for cases like illness. You should find out what your own tradition requires.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Tell us about your baptism.

Join the discussion!

If you're uncertain what your own tradition is, we have a different problem. In that case, take a look at "The Worship Mall."

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

If you have a question you'd like Professor Theophilus to consider for this column, please send it to asktheo@trueu.org. Please note, all questions selected for "Ask Theophilus" may be edited for clarity and privacy, and become the property of Focus on the Family.