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Ask Theophilus: Looking for God, Asking for Trouble

SLEEPING TOGETHER WITHOUT SLEEPING TOGETHER

Dear Professor Theophilus:

My fiancé and I have recently begun attending church and are very excited about devoting our lives to the Lord and growing spiritually together. We have been together four years now and living together for three — a situation that financially neither of us could avoid. We're planning to marry after college. After much studying we've decided that it is best to quit having sex until we are married — one year of waiting is nothing compared to eternal salvation! Here's our dilemma: We live together, share a bed together, and so forth. Is this wrong? Is not having intercourse enough?

Reply

Welcome to the beginnings of faith, and God bless you for asking. I see that you've already begun to discover what Paul speaks about in his letter to the Romans. If we seek Him earnestly, Christ gradually renews our whole way of thinking. Instead of being molded to the world, we begin to be molded to Him.¹ That's why you're asking your question; your cast of mind about purity is being renewed.

You already suspect what my answer will be, though you need a little help and explanation. The point that you've reached holds peril, too. Although you can go either forward or backward in faith, you already know too much to stay where you are. A choice lies before you.

Here's the short of it: You need to get out of that bed. There are three main reasons. I know you'll understand me perfectly.

1. It's wonderful that you've become abstinent, but you won't be able to keep that resolution unless you stop sleeping together. Don't say "If we sleep together, we might not have sex." That's true. It's also true that if you jump off the Sears Tower, you might not hit the ground; a giant eagle might swoop down and catch you. The chances of the two events are about equal.
2. If that eagle did swoop down and catch you, it still would have been wrong to jump — and even if you didn't have sex, it still would have been wrong to get in bed together. God requires us to avoid not only sin, but temptation.
3. Besides, the issue isn't just intercourse. It's purity, and purity includes modesty. The two of you had to learn to be immodest, to feel that it was no big deal to see each other in sleeping garments or to share a bed. Now you have to learn to be modest, to feel that it's a big deal after all. Why? Because it is. Our bodies represent our souls; acts like unveiling carry powerful symbolic meanings. Their proper occasion is that holy mystery, the mutual donation of self in the consummation of marriage.

By the way, you need to stop living together too. I'm not buying the story that finances force you to share your apartment. He can room with other men; you can room with other women. People do it all the time. But first, my dear, get out of bed. You may not be happy about it now, but you will be later.

Peace be with you,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

GETTING WISE

Dear Professor Theophilus:

Proverbs talks a lot about the importance of getting Wisdom. I looked up "wisdom" in my dictionary and it just says "knowledge," but I know it must mean more than that. So what does the Bible mean by Wisdom?

Reply

Good question. Wisdom is the perfection of knowledge; it means seeing everything in the light of God. If knowledge were an arch, Wisdom would be the capstone, completing it and giving it strength. In calling Wisdom the perfection of knowledge I don't mean that it's just a collection of true beliefs. That's included, but it's more: A deeply engraved habit of the whole intellect, the virtue that enables you to fulfill the commandment to love God with all your mind.² Wisdom is inseparable from right action. If it's just in your head, not also in your hands, feet, mouth, and eyes, it isn't Wisdom. And although it's a gift, it's not a cheap one. We could never achieve it without grace, but we have to hunger and thirst and labor for it too.

According to the book of Proverbs, the beginning of Wisdom is "the fear of the Lord."³ This is the trembling awe that comes from the presence of God, whose love is a consuming fire. You might say that Wisdom is awful knowledge, taking "awful" in its original meaning, "full of awe." To despise the fear of God is to despise knowledge itself. A mind not in awe of Him may know all sorts of details, like a man examining a painting with a microscope, micrometer by micrometer, but will never know the picture as a whole. The world may call that Wisdom, but it isn't what God has in mind.

Wisdom is found in the written Word of God, but Scripture teaches that God has also spoken Wisdom into the design of His creation. We tend to forget. It was by Wisdom, says Proverbs, that He founded the earth; by understanding that He established the heavens; by His knowledge that the deeps broke forth, and the clouds dropped down the dew.⁴ We are commanded to pay attention, and in another passage the command becomes a warning. Wisdom herself is speaking: "And now, my sons, listen to me: happy are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise, and do not neglect it .... For he who finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord; but he who misses me injures himself; all who hate me love death."⁵

The New Testament identifies Wisdom with the Eternal Logos, who became incarnate in Jesus Christ and who makes His home in us through the Holy Spirit. "Logos" means both "reason" and "word" — the power and activity of Wisdom, and the way in which Wisdom is communicated to us. That's why the opening verses of the Gospel of John are translated, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God; all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made." John goes on to say, "In him was life, and the life was the light of men."⁶ His words don't cancel out the Old Testament teachings about Wisdom; they complete them. To ignore the unspeakable gift of this Light from the Father of Lights is to turn down life itself and put ourselves in gravest peril.

This is lofty stuff, but it's also an everyday reality. Wisdom purifies and sanctifies even our common sense. Would you like a humdrum example? Read the letter up above, the one just before yours.

Peace be with you,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

FAILING GOD (OR NOT?)

Dear Professor Theophilus:

My friend prays and seeks God's guidance in every decision she makes. She chose a university far away because she concluded that God wanted her to serve Him there. Currently she feels miserable, burnt out and sad, largely because she has so little Christian fellowship, especially with other women. She has an opportunity to return to a school closer to home, but she worries that she might be "failing God" by not staying at the faraway university. How should I advise her? I'd rather that she come home, but if God is truly calling her to stay I want her to be encouraged and remain.

Reply

There are several things to consider. First, how long has your friend been attending her new university? It's normal to feel somewhat odd and homesick in any new place, and such feelings normally pass. In fact, as I often say, a little worldly homesickness can be spiritually good for you. It's a reminder that Christians are always strangers in this world, for we are citizens of Heaven.

Next, if she misses Christian fellowship, what is she doing to find it? Has she investigated campus Christian groups? That may sound like an obvious thing to do, but you'd be surprised how many people don't do it. They expect friendships to fall in their laps. An even more common mistake is not looking for a real church, but trying to use campus Christian groups as a substitute for church. They aren't the same thing.

God does lead us into trials sometimes, so the fact that your friend is lonely doesn't prove that she was wrong about God's will. Even so, what is the evidence that she was right about His will? So often people draw false conclusions about His will from gimmicks like chance events, vague feelings that they have during prayer, and verses their eyes fall upon when they open a Bible at random.

She's the one who has to make the decision, but you can help her think through the questions.

Peace be with you,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

CURSES, FOILED AGAIN (AND AGAIN AND AGAIN)

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I finished your book, Ask Me Anything, and loved it. I am a Christian guy and am really trying hard to search for the Lord. Sometimes I can really get into the Word and follow God, but sometimes when I try to do that, my mind starts racing with thoughts of evil and blasphemy towards God. For example, I'll be reading the Bible, then start cursing in my mind about what I read. It's really frustrating and discouraging. I know this isn't how God wants me to live, but what can I do when my mind just races off like that?

Reply

The most likely reason for your problem is that you're trying too hard. Suppose that whenever you saw a woman, you mentally shouted to yourself, "Watch out! Don't think about her breasts! Don't even think about thinking of her breasts!" What do you think would happen? Thoughts about her breasts would fill your mind. The same sort of thing can happen to an overly scrupulous person in prayer. He mentally shouts to himself, "Watch out! Don't think any blasphemous thoughts! Don't even think about thinking any blasphemous thoughts!" Naturally his mind fills with blasphemous thoughts, then he panics. Pretty soon he is worrying about evil spirits and who knows what else. That just makes the thoughts come faster. If this is your problem, the cure is to relax. When blasphemous thought enters your mind during prayer, don't worry about them. After all, you didn't invite them, and you don't believe them. Disregard them and go on praying. Eventually things get better; it takes a while. Don't fret about whether they are getting better quickly enough.

There are two other big possibilities. One is that there is something in your life or in your relationship with God that you need to take up with Him, but that you've been avoiding. You've pushed it out of your mind, but it keeps trying to get your attention. In this case a bit of self-examination is in order. Don't be afraid of your doubts; ask God to help you work through them. Don't be afraid of past sins; ask God to help you repent. Be careful, though. Don't overdo self-examination. Overly scrupulous people sometimes do.

The other is that you are a little obsessive, or suffer from some other psychological difficulty. Do you find yourself pressed and burdened by unwanted thoughts during other activities too? Yes? Then speak with a counselor. No? Then this probably isn't your problem; don't worry about it.

These aren't the only possible reasons for your problem, but they are the most likely. Has this helped?

Peace be with you,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

C O F F E E  S H O P

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