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Office Hours: Theophilus Flakes Out, Part 1

The remains of the sandwich had been cleared away, and I was enjoying a quiet espresso at the Edge of Night. Were I to suggest that the place itself was quiet, no one who had ever been there would believe me. But I was at peace, the sandwich was at peace with my stomach, and the espresso was lying quietly in its little cup. No one wanted my table. No one was in a hurry for me to pay. No one would expect me anywhere for the better part of an hour. Not even the yowling of the radio could disturb me. I closed my eyes.

And opened them again. I had felt the approach of presences, and there they were, looming over the table.

Don asked, "May we sit down?" There was nothing wrong with his words, but their formality was out of character.

"That's the first time you've ever asked to sit with me," I teased. "You usually just yank up a chair and order two pizzas." He didn't crack a smile, and all three of them remained standing. "Sit, sit!" I exclaimed. They did, uneasily. I asked, "Have you had lunch?"

Don glanced at Mark, who shook his head a fraction of an inch. "No, thank you," Don said.

"Since you're not here to eat," I asked, "should I conclude that this isn't a chance meeting?"

Looking more embarrassed every second, Don nodded. Mark said, "The professor in the next office over told us we might find you here."

"And so you have." A moment of silence followed. Julie looked as though she might speak, then seemed to change her mind. I would have to flush them out. "Since none of you will tell me what's wrong," I asked, "shall we run down the possibilities?" I pulled a look of mock solemnity and ticked them off on my fingers.

"Let's see. You couldn't be disgruntled about the exam; there hasn't been one yet. I couldn't have been fired; they wouldn't send students to tell me, at least I don't think so. You couldn't be here to repossess my car; it's paid off. You couldn't have sideswiped it in the parking lot; of course one of you might have, but you couldn't all three have been driving." I paused. "Could you?"

Julie interrupted my peroration. "Professor Theophilus," she demanded, "we trusted you. Why have you let us all down?"

Genuinely astonished, I asked "When have I let you all down?"

"In class," she complained.

"How did I do that?"

They all spoke at once. Mark said, "We were only doing like you've urged us all to." Don said, "You didn't back us up." Julie said, "You flaked out."

"At least you're talking now! But take turns, would you? What have I urged you all to do, and how have I let you all down?"

"I didn't say let down," Julie interjected. "I said flaked out."

I smiled. "You aren't answering the question."

"OK, I'll go," said Don. "Do you remember the time last year when I came by during office hours to compliment the way you'd answered an atheist guy during class? You said I should have answered him."

Mark cleared his throat. "And do you remember that time in my freshman year, when Sarah and I told you about our big plan to get some air time for Christian views in class for a change? You encouraged us."

Julie's turn. "And then there was the time when Don and Theresa and I were complaining to you about the atmosphere in some classrooms, where students who hold views like ours are insulted. You said that we shouldn't be intimidated, but should come back with arguments."

"I'm not feeling guilty yet, O my accusers," I said. "I remember those conversations, and I still agree with everything I said."

"What you said then isn't the problem," said Don. "It's what you did about it. Or didn't do."

"What didn't I do?"

"Here we are this semester," Julie said, "all three of us in your course at once. And we've done all those things that you've urged."

"We have spoken out," said Don.

"We have aired Christian views," said Mark.

"We have backed our views up with arguments," said Julie.

I asked, "So what's the problem?"

"We thought we had critical mass," Mark answered. "We thought you'd back us up."

"But you didn't!" said Julie.

"Ahhh," I answered, "now it comes out. I 'flaked out,' because you expected me to do all your work for you, and I didn't."

"Right," she said. "You — what?"

Don said, "What do you mean, we expected you to do all our work?"

"You're talking about a classroom incident, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Tell me precisely when it was and why you think I let you down, and I'll answer you."

"It was just this week, on Tuesday. You remember. The issue of embryonic stem cell research came up."

"I do remember. Things got so hot that I set aside my lecture and opened the floor to discussion."

"Well, that was all right," said Don. "But when all three of us defended a Christian position, you shot all three of us down."

"Shot you down? Just for being Christian? How did I do that?"

"You criticized our arguments."

"They needed criticizing."

Mark broke in. "How can you say that? I based my argument on Psalm 139, 'For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb .... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'¹ You want an argument? How can you beat the Word of God?"

"I can't."

"Then how was my argument flawed?"

"It was flawed in two ways. The biggest was that you were preaching to the choir."

"What do you mean?"

"Most of your fellow students were unfamiliar with Scripture, and they certainly didn't accept its authority. If your goal was to persuade them, then it wasn't enough to raise considerations that you accept — you should have raised considerations that they could accept." I turned to face Don. "Don, you and I have discussed this error too. Don't you remember our conversation about biblicism?"

"Um —"

"What did I say to you then about conversations with non-Christians?"

I could see how unhappy Don was to be called as a witness against Mark, but he answered the question honestly. "You explained that the Bible isn't in favor of bashing people over the head with the Bible."

"Do you remember my example?"

"Well — it was when Paul was speaking to the Athenians, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but go on."

"He wanted to tell them the Gospel. You pointed out that even so, he didn't begin with things that they didn't know, but with things that they did. He quoted their poets and he pointed to their altar to 'an unknown god.'"

I turned back to Mark. "You see? Shouldn't we follow Paul's example? Start where your listeners are, not where you are. Your argument was flawed in another way, too. Not only did you rely on an authority that your listeners didn't accept, but you gave it an interpretation that they wouldn't understand."

"I don't follow you," said Mark. "How did I do that?"

"Repeat the quotation that you gave from Psalm 139."

He chanted, "'For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb .... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'"

"And what do you think that proves?"

"That even the embryo is sacred to God."

"I agree. But those words aren't self-interpreting; you've given them the traditional Christian interpretation. Let me tell you how a nonbeliever might read them."

Mark spread his hands. "Go ahead."

"First he'd say, 'Even if it's true that God made the embryo, that doesn't give Him a right to say what we can do with it.'"

"But it does," said Mark. "He's God!" said Mark.

"Yes, but the nonbeliever doesn't grasp what it means for Him to be God. Next he'd say, 'Besides, the passage only mentions embryos in the womb. The embryos we want to kill aren't in a womb. They're in a Petri dish."

"But they're the same thing!"

"You know that and I know that, but you can't just assume it. It's what you have to prove."

"I know a case like that," remarked Julie.

Mark asked, "What do you mean, a case like that?"

"Some friends of mine in a Bible-as-literature class were talking about the Tower of Babel.² But they didn't get the story's point. Instead of taking God's side, they took the Ninevites' side. They made Him the bad guy, not Nimrod."

"What does that have to do with me?" asked Mark.

"Same problem. Even if people reflect on the holy Scriptures they may not reflect on them like Christians do."

I nodded. "Now do you see why I said that you wanted me to do all your work for you, Mark?"

"All right, all right, I get it," he groused. "But you could have given me a hint."

C O F F E E  S H O P

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"No, I couldn't have. I can't tilt the playing field. I'm not here just to teach Christians to reason, but to teach atheists too. I have to be a Christian professor, but it doesn't make me more a Christian to be less a professor."

"But Prof," Don cut in, "No offense to Mark, but I didn't argue the way he did. Neither did Julie. And you cut us down too."

PART TWO: HOW DON AND JULIE ARGUED